let’s talk about weight baby ( same tune as salt n pepa's let's talk about sex baby)
I am writing this blog today because I am frustrated…..I went to put on a pair of pants today and realized if I wore these pants all day at work today I would be miserable….they made me look like a mushroom….it was like they squeezed everything UP and OUT and OVER (yea, nice visionary for you this morning….) and I was like NO WAY…unless I could unbutton the pants and sit at my desk all day (so I could actually breathe in them), these were just not going to work, granted before I got pregnant these pants used to HANG off my hips, and I actually bought them that way so they were EXTRA baggy….I used to be famous for my baggy pants and little waste and hardly any boo-tay….thanks for the reminder mr. size 10 pants….HUMPH…..me don’t love you anymore….
weight, this a word I am not really on the best of terms with lately….I remember when I used to BRAG about eating horrible and thinking that it was a good thing, because I was a size 4, hardly any body fat and a tummy that was flat as a pancake….now? now I hate the fact I eat horrible and would rather hide the fact than brag about it….granted I had a baby, but I am also older and my metabolism sucks. I used to go dancing at least 3 to 4 times a week, worked out in the gym religiously and I ate whatever I wanted. I have gone from a size 4/5 (sometimes 6) to LUCKY if I can squeeze into a 10…..so what am I really saying…..11 people…..ELEVEN…..double digits…..good grief. I used to wear junior clothes and was so PROUD….how sad….but before I go on, let me reiterate this to those of you who keep telling me to stop worring about my weight or those of you who already wear size 10’s, 11’s, 12’s etc….this is not a knock on you at all, and I know some of you tell me to get over it because you have been there most of your life etc….but please understand….I am not USED to it….I haven’t been this size for any of my young life, much less my adult life…..so it totally SUCKS for me, this weight thing is about me and me only….this weight gain makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin....even though there is "more of me to love"....the lesser of me is fighting it....I have closet full of clothes that feel neglected by me people, I open my closets praying something in there actually fits me…..and there they are…..the 4’s, the 5’s, the 6’s staring back at me….with tears in their eyes….”remember me? miss me? love me again?”….and I too….look back at them with tears in MY eyes…..sigh…”I do remember you, I do miss you, I so want to love you again....” sigh.
it is agony I tell you. pure.
so I know….you are like, “well DO something about it” and quit crying over it….and believe me, I am trying….but being a single mommy there just isn’t much time left in the day after I pick shnookums up from daycare, that is HIS time and I don't feel right dropping him off in another daycare so I can hit the gym, although we have been walking around the lake at least 3 to 4 times a week….so I am getting a little “exercise” in….I just have to work on my eating habits, I am a “skipper”…..I skip meals….and we all know skipping meals is not good and you actually GAIN weight from doing that (especially at age 35 vs. 25)….so….here I am….and get this....I actually still feel “skinny”….I walk around in a ‘skinny state of mind’ and then when I go into the bathroom and walk in front of the mirror…..REALITY hits….or like this morning, trying to squeeze into my size 10 mushroom pants all the while praying that if I PRAYED hard enough they would magically FIT….5 minutes later I can’t breath, my face is blue and I am sweating (“glistening” as my grandfather told me, he said women don’t sweat – they GLISTEN….so trust me ….a whole lot of glistening was going on….) and I am grumpy and sulking and prying the darn things off….then it hits me....I am no longer skinny....what has the world come to....lol
to make things worse, last night I am talking to a friend who thinks it is FUNNY I have gained weight (double humph), in fact he tells me, “once you have children you will be surprised at how fast you continue to gain weight, just watch.” and he laughs….he made it seem like it is just inevitable that I will continue to gain weight….but I have news….I am bound and determined to lose weight and get back in shape – no matter what. I think mr. shnookums deserves an 'in shape and can totally keep up mommy'....and I plan on giving him that (hopefully in the near near future mind you) and increasing my dieing energy that seems to be evaporating daily little by little….
now I do have a beautiful little boy that came out of this weight gain, and for that I would never change a thing, he seems to love me no matter what anyway, cushion and all (thank God)…..but I would love to be able to wear my favorite jeans again (that I actually wore until my 6 and ½ month of pregnancy) they were a size 7…..and then maybe I can be the “hot mom in the neighborhood’ like everyone assumed I would be....yanno….
I mean come on, a man from my church ran into me at the grocery store a month back, one of the nicest people you could ever meet, he is like an adopted grandfather to me....he comes over and gives me a hug and squeezes my arm....right then I knew....the arm squeeze....he looks at me and says, "oh honey, you have always been a beautiful girl...." before he can finish, I mumble something like, "oh that darn baby weight I have gained...." and he says, "don't let yourself go honey, your getting chunky, just because you have had a baby doesn't mean you should let yourself go..." ................................silence.......................... there I am with my jaw dropped open, like WOW, did he just say that? and I thought for sure he was going to tell me to "stop it, you are fine how you are"....but um...no....nope, that is not what he said....and just to confirm that is what he said....before I could pick my jaw up off the ground.....he said it again.....and I just smiled and nodded.....um
I just can't stand for this......and I won't I tell ya....
so to my dear closets full of size 4’s, 5’s and 6’s….”hang” in there (ha ha ha ha – get it? HANG in there….closet…clothes….lol….I crack myself up sometimes) you WILL one day…..be worn again….
okay....maybe not by ME….but someone will wear you….lol….
and I will LOSE weight….I will….I will….I will….I will….I will….so keep up with my blog and I will continue to share my weight gain vs. weight loss….and tell you HOW I will be doing it (as I finish eating my chocolate chip cookie for breakfast)
as of right now…..35lbs and size ELEVEN to go…..(whew....pray with me)
Peace out….\/…two fingers…..
6 comments:
Hey honey,
Thanks for sharing your blog site. Very cute! You know I can't be silent about the weight thing you wrote. I didn't read all of it because it just breaks my heart. I read most of it and especially the last bit about that man who told you to "not let yourself go". In my thoughts letting yourself go is to leave God and to abandon your child! That would be letting yourself go. A few extra pounds and not wearing a size 2 is definitely not the definition of that. Getting pregnant, choosing to have your child, gaining weight, having a baby is a huge ordeal that no man could ever imagine undertaking. They can barely deal with a belly ache. But that's how God made them and how He made us. After giving birth to my son and gaining 40 lbs during pregnancy I struggled with it for many many years and hearing those same comments. I remember distinctly hearing them from my own family. People have got to realize that words hurt and you remember them forever! What I want you to think about when you are in this struggle is your little Kai who was not responsible for what happened to your body because he had no choice in the matter but the true blessing! Women have to endure so much in the world for everything we do so we must start to become our own hero and not our worst enemy. Your weight and your outside appearance will be just fine and as beautiful as you are on the inside. Do you really think God judges you on your weight? This is all out of love and the respect I have for you as a single mom and a beautiful female! Please do your best and don't worry about your weight - you are amazing!
much love and peace,
leslie
Weight gain can be tough. I've personally been 'Chunky But Funky', 'Fluffy', 'Juicy Pants' and 'Nasty Fat Nasty'. One day I went to try on some clothes. In the dressing room, I discovered that nothing fit. I was up to a size 42 pants!!! I looked in the mirror and realized I was officially a 'Porker'. It was devastating for a moment. I quickly started working out and working out w/ my local semi-pro football team. It took dedication, consistency, some home workouts and lots of running, but I dropped 35-40 lbs in 2-3 months. I know it seems impossible based on where you are now, but have faith that you can and will achieve your goal.
Confucius Brown say: "Let it be what it is, if you don't like what it is, then don't let it be" (original quote - Confucius Brown)
Thanks for inviting me to your site. If I were you I wouldn't worry too much about the weight. You do not look overweight at all. I am experiencing how the older we get the harder it is to lose weight. I have a belly that doesn't want to go away. I have been doing some things around the house when I have time and I have seen some improvement. I am sure you can lose it if you try but you are far from being chunky.
J
Neat stuff haha. Yeah we all go through that. I think sometimes if you stress about it less and work out more (even being active like you said with little Kai) it will get easier. Water intake is HUGE as well. ANY and EVERY time I am not getting enough water in the day which can be a lot sometimes, I immediately gain weight easier and feel even crappier. I’m battling right now with trying to fit time into go walking and running on top of my usual things I try to do. Good luck! You’ll come through as long as you truly dedicate yourself!
KJ
hun dont worry about what others say. you & are going thru the same thing. & though i stay at home & am not a single mom, i dont have the time to be the size i used to be before my baby. i realize n ow that i am a women & before i was a girl. a woman is very different from a girl. rejoice in what you are. you are beautiful. who cares about clothing sizes. this is why i gave away all things that didnt fit me. what is the pt in holding onto things from a past life. plus its fun looking for new clothing. i have that tummy & though i havent fully embraced, i stay hopeful. you just be happy with what you are cuz you never know about tom. love you no matter what!!
Hey Amy it's Theresa....
Wow... I relized in life we create our very own stories with the power of our very own words. What I mean. Is that we take facts.... like you losing weight and stretch it into something so much worse then what it really is.
I too gained alot of weight in the last year. I was myself was a 3/4 sometimes a 6 in some styles of clothing.
It tends too start off either with some who have children. Or some of us who just eat whatever we want and don't relize that as we get older are metablism's slow down considerably.
I used too go out all the time dancing, and weight train at least 4-5 days a week.
I now am a healthy 9-10. You know how small I was a few years ago.
The reality is... that you had a child. It took a year too go through the changes that the body endures too prep itself too deliver a baby.
It sometimes takes just as long too lose it or even longer at times for others. Also after birth it's a known fact that it takes tremendous amount of time for the hormones too get back too normal.
Which means you will have times where you metabilism is high and at other times it's extremely slower.
This is what I am going through. Although I didn't give birth.
I am now 36 1/2 and will be 37 at the end of June.
Although like you I am staring at my size 3's, 4's, 6's. I relize that I am a woman. I am no longer the younger woman I was that was still able too shop in Juniors although I wasn't a junior.
Woman today. ARe sexy, curvy, vivacious, and we tend too think that being skinnny, skinny, and living in our past is how we are suppose always be and look. Because of what we see on tv, and magazines.
What I mean about the stories we tell ourselves.... are just that. They are simply stories.
The fact out of what you said is that you gained weight, and you had a child that is factual.
However, your adding un-necessary stress by saying that it's this and that and so on.
You are beautiful as you are amy. You are a woman.
Woman are made too be curvy. They should be healthy looking. If you ask men like my husband, and other men in general.
They tend too fall mores towards a woman who has meat and is curvy. Then towards the one's who have more of a child like figure.
I know your sad. Cause at time's I am sad. However, you can get back too your old workout routines... throw in a tae bo tape.... drop your plates sizes too smaller portions and just stretch more often through the day like 5-6 times a day. Go run outside.
Just focus on getting back too that fitness life you had before the baby. I will promise you will see the difference.
Don't upset yourself by saying this long drown out story. Just stick too the facts. Remeber what your body went through. How in the past you were able to transform your body. It will remember how too be healthy again through muscle memory.
I thought being a 3 would depress me. I relize how much more compliments I get. How I feel so much healthier now at my size.
You are beautiful. Your right about one people who have been bigger for most of their lives do not at times always understand...
cause too them they still live in their story too why they feel that way.Sothey feel like I am this way get over yourself already and just deal with it.
Life shouldn't be about size. It should be about what goes in your body and whats good for your body.
That's it. Do whats best for you. I think you know how too do it. Clear away the meaning in which you made this so much more then what it is.
In order too be present about one self. You have too pay attention too what you say, and the power of actions. We as people take so much power away from our being when we say we can't do something or if we hold ourself back from trying too do something positive.
Then our past becomes too much of our future.. free of that space... let the past stay in the past.
Live for today. Don't allow your past too become your future. If you know what I mean.
ONce you free that space up your future is so empty that you can create anything you like self too be. Or what you want in your life.
That is power! We all want and extrodinary life!!!!
Create a possiblity. Of living life healthy. Also a possiblity of awareness. So that whatever you doing in your diet or your excercise can get you back too how you felt about youself in the past.
I love you for you. You are a good hearted human being. You give so much for humanity that says so much about yourself ok.
Your amazing mom and friend.... so I hope I didn't offend you... I just want you too see what we creat for ourselves stops us from living life powerfully.
Anyways if you need anything you know where to write me ok.
Much love,
Theresa West
vanity_fare2001
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