father's daythis is a long one so please brace yourself and please read the entirety of this heartfelt blog today….
I know Father’s Day is a good couple days away but it has been heavily on my mind lately….I mean how could it not be, advertisements 24.7 everywhere you go….I have two fathers but only ONE daddy. Daddy adopted me when I was 7/8 years old. he married mommy when I was 5 and we had our moments of gaining trust and developing a family like relationship, it wasn’t easy. at the time my biological father would pick me up on random weekends and I would spend time with him and his new wife – the most I remember with them is going to church and my grandparents from his side. when I was 6, mommy, new daddy and baby brother and I moved to Louisiana (new daddy in the army) I stopped hearing from biological father by then. I wouldn’t hear or see from him again until I was 12 and my mother’s parents – MY grandpapa and gummum (grandma) took me to see him briefly because I asked. it was like a 15 minute encounter and I got a pretty doll out of it….and that was about it (the doll was mailed to me at my grandparent's house) - we lived in Germany at the time and I was visiting my grandparents for the summer in the United States. from my understanding biological father didn’t pay child support either, but then when my daddy adopted me and I took his last name– I guess it didn’t matter then anyway. I did see biological father when I was 23 after we had moved to NC. it was a “surprise” visit set up by his wife’s nephew that I used to play with when I was little and I used to visit them. it was pretty cool I will admit, we stayed in touch for a year or so- spent our birthdays together (his birthday is 3 days after mine) I was in his god daughter’s wedding (they never had any children of their own) and spent quite a few weekends with them, they came to see the little boys dance class recital when I was teaching a dance class for boys…..and then he just stopped communicating all together again….I am still not really sure why….it just stopped. go figure….but really…..my step father is my daddy….he is the one who has been there for me since I was 5/6 years old….he is the one who took me to the emergency room on many occasions….came to my school functions, disciplined me whether I liked it or not, sat in his chair many a night waiting for me to come home when I was ALWAYS late for my curfew as a teenager, he is the one who drove me back and forth to school when I didn't want to take the school bus because of some bullies, he loves me unconditional, raised me to be the woman that I am today, and no matter how difficult I was with him in my growing years, he was there for me no matter what and then some…..I just could not imagine my life without him….he is the wonderful man who loved my mother enough to take care of her and love her and her bratty 5 year old (wink) – because let’s face it – I was spoiled rotten by mommy and grandpapa and gummum and Uncle J….he truly had his work cut out for him and I definitely did NOT make it easy for him as a child, as a teenager or as a grown up sometimes…..and I have to say he has handled it ALL the best he could and I love him so much for it. he IS DADDY….he IS MY FATHER….
that is one side of my brain and my thoughts for this father’s day….and unfortunately....this is my other…..
the ‘fathers’ who are not daddies….I just don’t get them, and quite frankly they tick me off….how can you NOT take care of your child?!?!? I am afraid I will just never understand the reasoning behind these men….the children are innocent….why punish them….maybe the 'fathers' don’t like the mommy anymore, or the pregnancy was a ‘surprise’, ‘mistake’, ‘unplanned’, mommy and daddy broke up….WHATEVER….get over it and take care of your BEAUTIFUL child (ren)….and I am sorry there are ways of preventing conception and if you didn’t want any babies then you should have taken the needed steps to NOT have them…..geeesh….it isn’t that hard people....but you didn't do that - SO GET OVER IT!
and just for the record - you can’t go around counting on abortion if you do happen to get someone pregnant….not everyone is FOR it….really.
I know Father’s Day is a good couple days away but it has been heavily on my mind lately….I mean how could it not be, advertisements 24.7 everywhere you go….I have two fathers but only ONE daddy. Daddy adopted me when I was 7/8 years old. he married mommy when I was 5 and we had our moments of gaining trust and developing a family like relationship, it wasn’t easy. at the time my biological father would pick me up on random weekends and I would spend time with him and his new wife – the most I remember with them is going to church and my grandparents from his side. when I was 6, mommy, new daddy and baby brother and I moved to Louisiana (new daddy in the army) I stopped hearing from biological father by then. I wouldn’t hear or see from him again until I was 12 and my mother’s parents – MY grandpapa and gummum (grandma) took me to see him briefly because I asked. it was like a 15 minute encounter and I got a pretty doll out of it….and that was about it (the doll was mailed to me at my grandparent's house) - we lived in Germany at the time and I was visiting my grandparents for the summer in the United States. from my understanding biological father didn’t pay child support either, but then when my daddy adopted me and I took his last name– I guess it didn’t matter then anyway. I did see biological father when I was 23 after we had moved to NC. it was a “surprise” visit set up by his wife’s nephew that I used to play with when I was little and I used to visit them. it was pretty cool I will admit, we stayed in touch for a year or so- spent our birthdays together (his birthday is 3 days after mine) I was in his god daughter’s wedding (they never had any children of their own) and spent quite a few weekends with them, they came to see the little boys dance class recital when I was teaching a dance class for boys…..and then he just stopped communicating all together again….I am still not really sure why….it just stopped. go figure….but really…..my step father is my daddy….he is the one who has been there for me since I was 5/6 years old….he is the one who took me to the emergency room on many occasions….came to my school functions, disciplined me whether I liked it or not, sat in his chair many a night waiting for me to come home when I was ALWAYS late for my curfew as a teenager, he is the one who drove me back and forth to school when I didn't want to take the school bus because of some bullies, he loves me unconditional, raised me to be the woman that I am today, and no matter how difficult I was with him in my growing years, he was there for me no matter what and then some…..I just could not imagine my life without him….he is the wonderful man who loved my mother enough to take care of her and love her and her bratty 5 year old (wink) – because let’s face it – I was spoiled rotten by mommy and grandpapa and gummum and Uncle J….he truly had his work cut out for him and I definitely did NOT make it easy for him as a child, as a teenager or as a grown up sometimes…..and I have to say he has handled it ALL the best he could and I love him so much for it. he IS DADDY….he IS MY FATHER….
that is one side of my brain and my thoughts for this father’s day….and unfortunately....this is my other…..
the ‘fathers’ who are not daddies….I just don’t get them, and quite frankly they tick me off….how can you NOT take care of your child?!?!? I am afraid I will just never understand the reasoning behind these men….the children are innocent….why punish them….maybe the 'fathers' don’t like the mommy anymore, or the pregnancy was a ‘surprise’, ‘mistake’, ‘unplanned’, mommy and daddy broke up….WHATEVER….get over it and take care of your BEAUTIFUL child (ren)….and I am sorry there are ways of preventing conception and if you didn’t want any babies then you should have taken the needed steps to NOT have them…..geeesh….it isn’t that hard people....but you didn't do that - SO GET OVER IT!
and just for the record - you can’t go around counting on abortion if you do happen to get someone pregnant….not everyone is FOR it….really.
so….the baby is here now and it wasn’t his or her idea in the first place….so just man up and be the daddy! you really have nothing to lose but so much to gain….do not punish the child because you didn’t want him ‘in the first place’ but did nothing to prevent creating him, he is here now and he is oblivious to your wishes….I have been recently talking with a good friend Digi and she too is struggling with this issue….she dated a man briefly and became pregnant….they had their child and he promised to give Digi and baby the world and then some….now he and Digi or no longer together because HE just couldn’t keep it in his pants or keep the lies straight and got caught and mommy got fed up and said asta la vista man…..good for Digi by the way…..but just because Digi said 'bye bye' doesn’t mean daddy gets a free ticket to ‘non parenting ‘ 101. you still have responsibilities….you still have a child that adores you and doesn’t understand why daddy doesn’t call or why daddy doesn’t come to see me, or where is my daddy anyway? the child does not understand your selfishness....MAN UP and step up and take care of the child…..ugh…..we have ENOUGH children out there with ONE parent….MEN if you are ALIVE and BREATHING take CARE of your CHILD (REN) DARN IT…..please….the children do not understand your absence from their lives….and they shouldn’t have to have their hearts broken at such a YOUNG impressionable age! Digi’s child’s ‘father’ only seems to come around if it is a chance to show the beautiful child off – like the child is a prize possession or trinket or something….totally whack man….get a CLUE. the child is a human being not a THING and not a weapon to use between mom and dad….children have feelings too….you can't just come in and out of their lives as YOU choose to....wake up.
my feeling on this at this time….I think that these ‘fathers’ aka ‘donors’ should be somewhat punished for not taking responsibility for another human beings life that they CREATED (and quite frankly sticking them in jail I don’t even think cuts it, because they still don’t seem to care)….and I know I am not the one in control and really have no say so….but if I could at all make a suggestion to the CREATOR….it would be this….jail doesn’t work….so sock it to them where it COUNTS….let their finances fade (especially if they are not financially supporting their off springs), let their teeth turn YELLOW, let their breath be so atrocious that no mouthwash, toothpaste, gum could ever cure it, let their toned bodies (if they are toned) go flabby, and if they aren't toned - let it get worse, let their pot bellies GROW, let their careers and dreams suffer and dimenish, let their cars break down, let their favorite sports team go on a hiatus, let the remote control for the tv be lost in eternity, let them always tell the truth no matter what the circumstance may be, let their friendships evaporate, and then when all that is said and done....make certain body parts go limp (if you know what I mean) and let the opposite sex not want anything to do with them…..UNTIL they MAN UP and BE a FATHER….better yet….A DADDY….and this includes sporting events, school functions, dance recitals, father and child QUALITY time together, not JUST “financial responsibility”!
my feeling on this at this time….I think that these ‘fathers’ aka ‘donors’ should be somewhat punished for not taking responsibility for another human beings life that they CREATED (and quite frankly sticking them in jail I don’t even think cuts it, because they still don’t seem to care)….and I know I am not the one in control and really have no say so….but if I could at all make a suggestion to the CREATOR….it would be this….jail doesn’t work….so sock it to them where it COUNTS….let their finances fade (especially if they are not financially supporting their off springs), let their teeth turn YELLOW, let their breath be so atrocious that no mouthwash, toothpaste, gum could ever cure it, let their toned bodies (if they are toned) go flabby, and if they aren't toned - let it get worse, let their pot bellies GROW, let their careers and dreams suffer and dimenish, let their cars break down, let their favorite sports team go on a hiatus, let the remote control for the tv be lost in eternity, let them always tell the truth no matter what the circumstance may be, let their friendships evaporate, and then when all that is said and done....make certain body parts go limp (if you know what I mean) and let the opposite sex not want anything to do with them…..UNTIL they MAN UP and BE a FATHER….better yet….A DADDY….and this includes sporting events, school functions, dance recitals, father and child QUALITY time together, not JUST “financial responsibility”!
if you ask me this would be so much better than jail time...come on
can I get an AMEN??
can I get an AMEN??
as for my DADDY – the latter part of this blog in no way affects you- you are my DADDY and you take care and love all of us unselfishly!
as for snhookums ‘father’ – you know the deal....(raised eyebrow)
as for all the non parenting parents out there….you better wake up….because in the end….it is YOUR loss….
as for all the non parenting parents out there….you better wake up….because in the end….it is YOUR loss….
(let's face it....raising children is the HARDEST job out there, but it is the most rewarding and it is the ULTIMATE blessing that God trusted you with and gave YOU the privilege of doing.....so don't go screwing it up....God picked YOU as the father for a REASON....)
and to those fathers and daddies out there who cherish their titles and jobs as a father and do everything that there is entailed to being a FATHER aka DADDY (even if you are with or not with the mother, even if your child wasn't planned, even if the mother is the one who pushes you away)....my hat goes off to you and I give you a big round of BRAVOS!!!!!!! ;o)
Be Blessed….Peace Forward…..Peace Out…… \/ …two fingers….
Be Blessed….Peace Forward…..Peace Out…… \/ …two fingers….
**small disclaimer - these are MY opinions of course**
9 comments:
That was very heartfelt, I feel everything you said. The truth was really spoken. God bless you and Baby Kai!!!
Belinda
Any male can father a child, but it takes a man to be a father to one. I've never had a child but if I ever do I hope I can live up to be the man my father was.
No worries hon - the boys not being a father will receive their justice in God's eyes! They will learn a valuable lesson. It doesn't take sperm to make a father it takes a heart!
love,
leslie
The other lesson to learn from all of this is that we as adults choose the people in our lives that wont commit or who are unreliable. As a father I take responsibility for sleeping with someone before I new I wanted to marry her. I take responsibility for making her my baby's momma because in a way I chose her. Youre right, if I didnt want to have a baby then I not only should have covered it up but I believe that I never should have had sex in the first place. Looking back, its not that hard to keep it in your pants guys.
For the women, I say the same thing. If you dont have a ring on your finger then you should keep your pants on. If that guy isnt willing to wait to share that with you then he isnt worth keeping. Women choose these sorry men then complain because they are sorry! There are plenty of very respectful caring and loyal potential "fathers" out there but you have to know what they "look" like. God will show you who that person is, he will bring him to you if you believe and be patient. I am 41 years old and I'm still waiting :-)
These thoughts come from my own personal experience and my own soul searching for answers but I believe that what I've learned will work FOR women too. I have made many of the same mistakes everybody else has (by picking sorry women!) but now I know ;-)
This comes from a single father who has raised his son since he was 6 weeks old!
Michael
amen to that Michael...and you are so correct I take full responsibility for picking shnookums father - and i had NO ring on my finger...just smoke and mirrors in my eyes...and i too take the responsibility of creating my child - we are both at fault...but i still believe with all my heart - he should stand up whether he wanted shnookums or not....because he/we did not take the precautions not to have him....it's not shnookums fault....don't let him suffer - just because he said ' i dont want him' when it was lready too late.... ;o) (hugs Michael) I applaud you Michael - you are a great father! We need more like you! xoxox
Kudos!Poetic tribute to your father who took this responsibility.
But, then came the bitch slap to the punk who acts like a irresponsible teenager trying to avoid what is perceived to be his duty.
(Deserved, yes but not in this blog)
Question: Isn't birth prevention available to both male and female? So who are you really angry at? Choice or Outcome? If two people choose to establish a congecial interlude and one chooses not to stay engaged, then why such vitriol for an immature punk who can't take care of himself, let alone another baby? Your anger will only show through to your child, and why waste the energy? So, the definition of a father is not sperm donor or fails to provide the basics or calls periodically.....in fact if this becomes a question, probably not the person the child needs in his/her life anyway.
A Father is:
One who demonstrates:
personal accountability,
high values,
self-respect and respect for others,
wants you to be perfect but loves you with your flaws,
figures out how to occupy your mind with positive experiences so you don't venture into the wrong path, consoles you in bad times but doesn't let you stay there long, hugs you when you least expect and again when you really need it, holds your friends to the same standards he holds you, never puts you in harm no matter how hard you try to find it, doesn't give you everything but makes you want for nothing, takes your hand away from temptation but eventually knows you will pull it away on your own, gives you opportunties to experience as much as possible but never makes resources ( money) the reason unable to do it( love, long walks and conversation are free), hides nothing about himself so you see he's not perfect but compared to most he is as close to perfect that you know, finally makes you realize he really is less than one in a billion! That is 1 out 8.
ok so i totally give a loud applause to your daddy. i had no idea he was such a great guy. i totally see what you are saying to men that dont MAN up. its sad that this is such a common thing in this culture. & the mum ends up doing it all. ofcourse KUDOS to you. i have so much more to say on this but i will end it at this note:
at the end there is a god & he will take care of them all.
you do the best that you can.
I am father and love all the good and challenges that I face while on my journey to raise my children to be responsible adults.
I love them 'unconditionally'. They are the first thing on my mind when a wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep. They are an extension of me and our spiritual connection cant be severed.
I understand your perspective about on MAN-ing up, I also hold you responsible for not openly communicating your intentions if you became pregnant. This was in your control. However, this in no way absolves your child's father from responsibility.
Happy Father's day to me all men that take care of their child(ren).
FriendZone President
Well now. I thought a blog was SUPPOSED to reflect the person's opinions, who's doing the writing. The "debate" can come in the comments, if one chooses.
It's hard to be objective, when you're in the middle of a mess (and that's me being objective...).
Done is done. Mistakes were made on both sides. The big difference is that ONE side is perpetuating the mistakes, while the other side has taken responsibility for the consequences of her actions.
And for the record, Amy is one of THE best mothers I've ever seen. This child may grow up without his father, but he will never know a lack of love and guidance. And then, there's Grammie and Papa, too...
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